PROFILE ENTRIES FRIENDS ©
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[01.10.09] |
I wasn't accepted for the internship in Germany this summer.
Fuck, this hurts.
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| 2008 In Review |
[12.30.08] |
01. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
* Ran a 5-mile race
* Did a duathlon
* Kayaked in the Bahamas
02. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept them until August, which is pretty typical of moi. I need to start making Fallsolutions. Anywho, the biggest resolution I made was to run a race or do a triathlon each month of the year. I competed in 7 races, and ran out of motivation and money. I also wanted to run/bike/swim 2,000 miles this year and only managed 1,200.
03. Did someone close to you give birth?
Nope.
04. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. My childhood friend A was killed in a cycling accident in August.
05. What countries did you visit?
Canada and the Bahamas.
06. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Confidence, restraint, and money.
07. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Probably November 4th. It's the first US Election I really cared about.
08. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
No longer feeling trapped in my job. Okay, so I was downsized from I Love My Job, but it's still an achievement that I'm not crying on my way to work every day.
09. What was your biggest failure(s)?
Probably my self-employment. I just wanted to be more successful with it by now.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No. I struggled with asthma, though. And self-diagnosed my chronic foot pain as a neuropathy.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Skinny jeans.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine. I was good this year.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Governor Palin's. I know that's really petty of me, and I'm sorry.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I got to go to Canada twice. I started dating someone new. I went to 2 NASCAR races. My friend Rivensky moved to NC.
16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?:
Every song on Glasvegas' self-titled album.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you ..
i. happier or sadder? Happier, I think.
ii. thinner or fatter? Same weight, lower muscle, higher body fat.
iii. richer or poorer? Sooooooo much poorer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Loving myself. Taking it easy. Yoga.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying. Biting my nails.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it at Mum's house.
21. What are you most looking forward to in 2009?
Finishing another college degree. A better job.
22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yeah. I fell in love with life again.
23. How many one-night stands?
I CLAIM THE FIFTH. No, wait. *counts* None :)
I was good this year.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
I got hooked on DVDs of the Office (US and UK), Arrested Development, and Flight of the Conchords.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, quite the opposite.
26. What was the best book you read?
IRS Publication 15. By far. Just kidding. Probably Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg or The Omnivore's Dilemma.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Rock: The Rakes. Glasvegas. Sia.
Electronica: Deadmau5. Anthony Attalla.
28. Favorite films of this year?
Dark Knight. Burn after Reading.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Turned 26 in Myrtle Beach. Watched F1, Indy, and NASCAR racing. Went to a cabaret. Good times.
30.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
There's nothing I could've changed, really.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Business casual with a twist of hipster.
32. What kept you sane?
Arbor Mist.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Pretty much any male on a bicycle or with a soccer ball.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The US Economic Crisis.
35. Who was the best new person you met?
Hein.
36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
I am the only one responsible for my happiness.
37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
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| So... |
[12.04.08] |
... I fell off the side of the earth. Sorry.
I've been trying to write this post since mid-September, but stuff keeps happening so the post keeps getting longer, and I keep delaying writing it, which creates this vicious Catch-22-type thing. And after serious consideration on the best way to write about the past 3+ months, I've decided to use bullet points and short(ish) descriptions. Here goes.
* In July, I found out I was losing my job that I've had for 10 years. I actually knew a bit before July, as I was responsible for helping to close the company. But in July, I found out when my paychecks would be ending, and I started dealing with the idea of forming a new professional identity for myself. The whole thing was immensely freeing, as I'd felt trapped in that position for the last several years. It was also very distressing to change so much in such a short time, so I felt like I was also going through a mourning period. It is also very scary to try to find a new job in this economy. From reading through my F-List, I see that many of you know what I'm talking about all too well.
* I tried to do several things over the summer which I had been delaying because I was too busy. I took a road trip to Knoxville to visit TCG. I took a road trip to Columbia to visit MCMD. I took a road trip to Virginia to meet a new friend as she got married! I took some time to work on my photography project.
* I started working at a restaurant 3 evenings a week in late July/early August. The first few weeks were REALLY awesome. I averaged about $75/night, and maxed out at $150/night. This was extremely helpful in making ends meet. But by mid-September, the big tippers stopped coming out so often (if at all), and my nightly average dwindled down to $50... then around $30. Thirty dollars for an 8-hour shift (plus my $2.15 hourly wage) is pretty fucking abysmal. So far, the tip that takes the cake is the $0.82 I made on a $99.18 tab. I don't think I'd ever leave less than 15% unless the waitress threw the food at me. Last night, I left after 4 tables in 5 hours with $14 in my pocket. People are consistently tipping worse and worse, and I've been considering moving restaurants, but the servers I talk to in the area seem to say that they're in the same boat. And when I reconsider, I figure the $14 will buy me some gas and 2 days worth of food, and the 5-hour shift didn't conflict with anything else I was already doing, so then I show up for another shift, and the cycle continues.
* My childhood friend April was killed in a cycling accident in Ottawa in August. I went up to Ontario, where I was able to reconnect with some friends, and it was a good time overall. But once I got back home, the reality of her death hit me pretty hard. I miss her quite often. And it took me months to get back on my bike again.
* I went to visit VanDi over Labour Day weekend for our epic Girls' Weekend, Volume III. The good: I finally properly watched Arrested Development and was introduced to Flight of the Conchords. I met up with some LJ friends. I took some awesome photos. The bad: I was an emotional mess. She was an emotional mess. I left with the feeling that I hadn't done nearly as much self-exploration as I'd meant to, and the vague notion that I was completely unable to level with a friend when she needed me.
* One of my Long Term professional goals was to start my own business. The idea was that I'd be a Certified Public Accountant by then and have an impressive Rolodex of contacts, and then I'd start the company. But the more I couldn't find any part time or full time accounting work, the more I toyed with the idea of opening my own company. I talked with some people about helping me with business cards, a website... I talked to anyone and everyone I knew that might know someone that might need a bookkeeper. The first week of October, I filed the paperwork with the state of South Carolina to become an LLC. The same week, I found one client. The one client referred me to another person, who became my second client later that month. I found a third client in November. I'm hoping that I'll find more in December, as people will start freaking out about year-end and taxes. And, if I can get enough work, I can stop working at the bar.
* CC and I broke up. Amidst all my life changes, we grew apart. At some point, I shut down and stopped making it a priority to communicate with him. That's probably all the reasons I feel comfortable sharing. So I drove up to Charlotte one day, and told him I was done with it. I'd fallen out of love with him. It was immensely hurtful, for which I was quite sorry. We haven't spoken since.
* Things with Mum are somehow slightly better. I feel like we get along in a way, as I don't have to see her every day, so I find her quirks and anxiety-triggers less overwhelming and completely unbearable. She still takes up a great deal of time, phoning at least once a day with some sort of World-Ending Crisis. But as time passes on, the crises that she phones me with have become situations which involve less of my emotions and time.
* This semester of school has been hell. For example, in October, I had an exam and a project and a time-consuming homework assignment every week. This was in addition to starting up my own company, handling family crises, and working long shifts at a restaurant. I averaged 4 hours of sleep a night just trying to get it all done. But tonight is my last class of the semester, exams are next week, I'm thinking I'll have a 4.0. Only one semester left - which will contain only two classes, then graduation!
* In an attempt to make my longstanding long-term dreams of working abroad come true, I've applied for a summer accounting internship in Germany. I feel like it's a crazy idea, especially at this point in my life, but it was a really good opportunity, so I went for it. However, only 10 students from America are chosen for the programme, and I'm not sure what that makes my odds. So I'll deal with how it could affect my life if they tell me I'm accepted to the programme.
* I may have met someone. I may talk about this later, as it's a somewhat recent development. In the meantime, I'll say I'm very happy.
* I stopped exercising and tri training. I haven't had time for it, and I don't have any money for the freaking race fees. This means I've let some hard-earned muscles atrophy and gained some fat, but I'm really not going to get upset about it, because there's nothing I could've changed or done differently. I'm making plans to get back into it in a few weeks, but I might start back with yoga and pilates, not necessarily swim/bike/running.
* Overall, I'm pretty happy. And really fucking poor. And I've been really stressed, but that's nothing new. However, I do really feel like my life completely fell off its wheelbase and flipped over a few times, and now I've got to take it to the proverbial garage to get it put back together. I see the potential to put it together in ways I liked better before I ever flipped it, as this is a great chance to start fresh and get rid of some old patterns and habits. I'm already seeing the changes, and I hope you'll continue to share them with me.
XO.
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[09.04.08] |
It would appear I have run out of reasons (and money) to visit Canada
this year. After a surprise visit to Ontario earlier this month, and
now my annual Vancouver Labour Day visit, I have returned to the last
few weeks in my cubicle at I Love My Job Inc.
Whilst in Canada, I took a bunch of photos. I'll resize and upload
them soon, as I only had the patience for that one today. As I'm
sifting through the photos, I've noticed that I didn't take any photos
of people. I got to meet up with some friends and relatives - all of
it eluded film. I'd like to blame Labatt's, delicious Canadian Lager,
for that, as I did have a few (and now that I am at my desk again,
would like some more).
Anyhow, I'll upload those photos soon. And no, it won't be like that
last time where I promised to update with more content soon - I'll
actually do it. I swear.
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| Canada was f*cking gorgeous... |
[08.14.08] |
I'm still catching up on sleep. I'm trying to catch up with some emotions, too.
Despite the awful reason for heading to Canada in the first place, it turned out to be
an okay trip. We spent some quality time with some friends and relatives, and it was good.
I ended up being stuck in the Peninsula all week. Renting a vehicle was unaffordable, and
the train to Toronto was inconvenient at best. My rellies took me on a field trip in their
van, and I was able to visit all the places my Dad lived when he was growing up. I also got
to revisit where I lived when I was growing up. It made my soul feel alive.
I took lots of walks. I ate lots of Tim Hortons. I took lots of pictures, and they
turned out surprisingly well. I had lots of thoughts about going back to Canada.
I feel like everything but the pictures can wait for another day...
( glorious and free. )
I'll write more soon.
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| My friend. |
[08.06.08] |
She goes off life support at noon today, when the organ donation team arrives.
It doesn't feel real. I feel like everything has fallen apart, and I'm walking through a dream.
I'm flying to Buffalo tomorrow, and coming back on Tuesday. I'm still unsure if I'll be on Ottawa or Toronto. If I end up being in Toronto, I'll probably start calling the locals. I'm still unsure about everything, though.
Thank you to everyone for your support.
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| Photo Meme, Part 1: A Camera Story |
[07.31.08] |
[My photo meme is still open, if you want to participate. The comments are screened, mostly because I wanted people to comment on what they wanted to see, and not be limited by other people's answers.]
THIS.
IS MY FIRST CAMERA.
(This is also an old picture, judging by how my hair is black and still long.
I believe it was taken in September of '06.
And I think I am sad because my camera ran out of batteries.)
I bought my first camera in December of 2005.
I was at the Office Supply store when a "Camera Sale" sign caught my eye.
This baby was priced at around $200.
Without so much a thought to "megapixels", "name brand", "physical size",
"memory", or other unimportant factors, I plunked down $200 of my hard earned
desk job money, and bought me a camera.
Previous to that, I used disposable cameras exclusively. I would buy one every
few months, use it up, take it in for developing, and buy another camera. It was
always such a surprise to see what photos were on the camera (I don't remember
taking that photo!, etc.)... as well as which photos WEREN'T. I can remember
bunches of heartbreaks over photos that didn't turn out. Actually, I took disposable
cameras to Russia during my study abroad in '03, and I think that's turned out
to be my single largest regret in life. (That, or the psycho Greek professor I dated.)
I suppose that camera was just an issue of right place and right time. It was an
impulse buy, for sure. I wasn't exactly unhappy with my disposable cameras. But I
figured over the long run, my new camera would save me some money.
As soon as I started taking photos with my camera, I fell in love. I knew right
away whether the photo turned out or not. I think my photo-taking skills actually
got better. And as my photo-taking skills got better, I noticed several things
were lacking in my camera.
This led to my camera being dubbed Shigicam. As in Shitty Digital Camera.
Shigicam did not have a timer. Shigicam hated outdoor light. Shigicam hated
fluorescent light. Shigicam hated motion. Shigicam hated still life photos.
Shigicam hated direct sunlight. Shigicam hated being turned on, because every
third time, it would freeze and need restarting. Shigicam could only take 23
photos at a time before running out of memory, no matter WHAT memory card you
stuck inside it, AND would only take 20 photos per pair of AA batteries before
running out of juice. So it took 2 sets of AA batteries to get your full 23
photos. And once the memory was full, you had to immediately get it to a computer
and wipe camera's memory, or the batteries would fail before you had all your photos
uploaded. I'm sure there were other reasons that led to the naming of Shigicam,
but I can't recall them. They must be far too horrific to be stored in my brain.
I remember learning that Shigicam was far too large to fit in any pocket, or most
small pocketbooks. So toting my camera out for an evening meant that I had to hold
it in my hands. All night long. I also remember that I could never find a case
that quite fit Shigicam, so one had to manually hold the camera. In their hands.
There was one show I went to, and I remember holding Shigicam in one hand, a water
bottle in the other, and trying to dance. I smoked at the time, so smoking meant
I had to stop dancing, tuck the water bottle under my arm, stick Shigicam under
my chin, fish a cigarette out of my pocket, light it (without scorching my eyebrows),
smoke it awkwardly while holding the rest of my other earthly possessions and
trying not to set them on fire... Ironically enough, I quit smoking soon thereafter.
However, not all was bad with Shigicam. It turned out several gems,
including this one:
Surprisingly enough, Shigicam took AMAZING night photos.
For Christmas of '07, CC presented me with a brand new digital camera. It fit
in my pocket. It had more than 1.5 megapixels. He might've as well given me
a million dollars, I was so happy. I haven't quite named it yet, but as it
stands, I call it Unshigicam. And I am exceedingly thrilled with Unshigicam.
(There was one time that I came within 8 feet of Dale Earnhardt, Jr. In the
infield at Bristol. And I took photos. And Unshigicam lost them. And I was
exceedingly emo about it for a few days.) But other than the Dale Jr. incident,
all has been well.
And now, in addition to my two digital cameras, I own a Polaroid 600 Instant Shot
and a Polaroid Spectra. Both of which I'm currently stockpiling film for.
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| Photo Meme! |
[07.28.08] |
I've been using some of my newfound free time to get back into photography, so to that end, I want you to challenge me. I can't promise it'll be the BEST PHOTO OF ALL TIME, but comment and tell me what you'd like to see.
Challenge me to photograph my favourite something, something I love, somewhere I like to be, something I like to do, post a Polaroid of something, scan in a photograph from my childhood, etc.
Then I'll post the picture and tell you a story.
Comments screened. Anonymous readers can leave comments, you don't need an LJ account. And I won't reveal who asked for the photograph, unless you'd like me to.
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